okey lets give this a try

I've tried blogging once before but it just ran out in the sand as a lot of things seams to do. Lately I've been feeling the need to find a new way to express myself and I thought about giving blogging a new try. I've chosen to write in English even though it isn't my native language. I find it easier to express personal things in English, why I don't know maybe because I have a different relationship to this language and maybe because it makes things feel a little more distant. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to explain, it's just a feeling and as we all know they are sometimes hard to express.

I've never had a close relationship with my good feelings. The bads once I know well, but the good once we never seam to connect that well. Maybe thats why I find it so hard to wrap my head around the thought that I have a boyfriend and that I need to let him into my life. I'm so afraid that I'm going to hurt him, I'm not that afraid that he will hurt me. I don't know what it feels like to be in love and I fear that my heart isn't open. I thought about it and maybe I'm more afraid to actually fall for him than I'm to not fall for him and have to tell him that.