Feeling stupid, sucks!

We started a new course on Monday and it's a math course. I knew that math on University level would be a challenge, but it's harder than I imagine. It sucks feeling stupid, which I have now felt for a hole week. It's so depressing that whenever you think that you have learned or understood something theres a twist. Tomorrow my boyfriend is going to try to teach me some of the things that we have looked at this week and that I yet haven't understood. I'm going to do my best not to become a whining child that just feels sorry for herself, we haven't been going out long enough for him to see that side of me :-p
I hate not understanding things, I don't have the self confident to just shake it of and not make a big deal about it.

okey lets give this a try

I've tried blogging once before but it just ran out in the sand as a lot of things seams to do. Lately I've been feeling the need to find a new way to express myself and I thought about giving blogging a new try. I've chosen to write in English even though it isn't my native language. I find it easier to express personal things in English, why I don't know maybe because I have a different relationship to this language and maybe because it makes things feel a little more distant. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to explain, it's just a feeling and as we all know they are sometimes hard to express.

I've never had a close relationship with my good feelings. The bads once I know well, but the good once we never seam to connect that well. Maybe thats why I find it so hard to wrap my head around the thought that I have a boyfriend and that I need to let him into my life. I'm so afraid that I'm going to hurt him, I'm not that afraid that he will hurt me. I don't know what it feels like to be in love and I fear that my heart isn't open. I thought about it and maybe I'm more afraid to actually fall for him than I'm to not fall for him and have to tell him that.